Chapter 18: Bright side? What bright side?

I wake up in a pool of liquid, and I don’t want to know what it is. The phone is still in my hand and there’s something wrong with it. Not quite sure what. I’m plagued by a massive headache and feel like puking again.

Just for the record, because I said “puking again”, it does not mean that I woke up in a puddle of my own vomit. Although that…I’m not quite sure about that. Like I said, I don’t want to know.

My watch is not ticking. Fantastic. The sun’s still shining. So much for depression. I walk to the window and yell, “HELLO WORLD! I’M FEELING SICK TODAY!”

Thump. The window board from the unit above lands squarely on my head. I’ve been telling the man to get it fixed. Told him so. I’ll sue him, I will.

“WHAT TIME IS IT?” I yell, and sure enough a disgruntled neighbour throws a clock at me. That’s one way to find out what time it is, the other being…

The ground starts to shake. Ah, nine o’clock, then. I’m late for work, I realize. Wonderful. I throw on my uniform which is starting to feel kind of small and walk to work whistling “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life”. The song fails to warn you what to do if there isn’t. And in life, there rarely ever is a bright side.